When They Dont Run It Back but You Face Them Again

Last Updated on February 16, 2022 by

How does a Narcissist react when they can't control you anymore? 1 of the major components of narcissism is gaining control over others.

This type of behavior is often a reaction to a babyhood completely dominated by a egotistic parent (or parents)- controlled in all aspects of his young life and not allowed to develop control over his own life.

So, why practice narcissists need control? What happens if they lose command? And how do narcissists manipulate others to regain their sense of ability?

• Narcissists need control because it protects their identities and fragile egos. Underneath their complacent free energy, they have very low cocky-esteem.

• Narcissists manipulate others because they rely on these tactics to gaslight, guilt, or shame people into doing what they want.

• Knowing what narcissists practise to their victims tin help yous feel more educated in your relationship. Otherwise, yous volition likely continue feeling confused, angry, ashamed, or solitary.

• Sometimes, narcissistic manipulation tin can be very subtle. Narcissistic manipulation tactics may include putting you down, encouraging you to 2nd-guess yourself, or withholding intimacy.

• A manipulative narcissist often knows exactly what they're doing! It'south a misconception that they aren't aware of their ain toxic behavior.

• Learning how to take control away from the narcissist often includes a mix of rigid boundaries OR going no-contact birthday.

How Does a Narcissist Control You? 12 Tactics

Narcissist control tactics can range from extremely unsafe behaviors to very subtle, unnoticeable gestures. A narcissist's hot and common cold games often feel confusing and frustrating to loved ones. You never know what mood they're going to exist in. Yous never know if you're on their good side or bad side.

Knowing how narcissists manipulate people is important for recognizing the potential red flags in your relationship. Hither are some warning signs.

one. Honey-Bombing You

Nobody understands me like y'all practice!

We accept a connexion unlike anything else.

Y'all're the greatest person I've always met- I love you and then much.

Narcissists love-bomb their partners to make them experience special and adored. This isn't just the normal excitement of entering a new human relationship. It'south a consuming whirlwind where the narcissist floods you with attention to make y'all feel like you take the most magical human relationship in the globe.

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ii. Making You Depend On Them

Many narcissists are incredibly intelligent and charming. They may make statements similar,

I don't want you lot to feel similar y'all have to work! I don't desire you to worry most your money- I'm managing everything. Don't worry most the right house- I'm going to take care of everything.

At commencement, you lot may experience smitten by their generous offers to help you. Merely exist careful. These efforts are carefully crafted. The narcissist wants you to feel similar you don't have other options.

3. Isolating You From Others

Your mother doesn't have your all-time intentions at heart!

Why are yous all the same friends with her? She e'er makes you lot feel bad about yourself.

Your boss is such a wiggle. You deserve amend.

Practise these comments sound familiar? From a compassionate friend, they might be coming from a genuine place of business organisation. But from a narcissist, they correspond tiny fractures designed to make you second-judge the relationships you share with others.

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Narcissists don't want you receiving outside influence- particularly if it clashes with their opinions. They volition try to make it the middle of your relationships if they doubtable someone else might touch on your behavior.

four. Literally Controlling Your Decisions

Who do narcissists target when they want to be in relationships? Unremarkably, they find people-pleasing types who don't desire to deal with excessive conflict or distress.

Now think nigh information technology. Does the narcissist track how you eat, spend money, or raise your kids? Exercise they picket your every move and offer unsolicited feedback and what yous should exist doing better?

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Near narcissists hold extreme opinions almost what they do or don't think is permissible. And if yous act against their wishes, there volition be serious consequences.

5. Responding Passive-Aggressively

How do narcissists manipulate when their tendencies are more vulnerable or covert? The manipulative narcissist tends to rely on passive assailment to make others feel aback or confused.

Exercise whatever you want! I don't care.

I'm not angry. Why would you lot think I'm angry?

It doesn't matter what we take for dinner tonight. I have no opinion.

You know what passive-aggression feels like. It feels like, no matter what y'all decide, yous made the wrong choice. Even if they explicitly tell you that they don't care or don't mind, you know they do. And you know they will use it against yous.

6. Throwing Extreme Tantrums

What happens when y'all don't permit them control yous? You already know the reply! You can await their massive tantrums and emotional outbursts!

Yous probably effort to tiptoe effectually the narcissist to save yourself the drama. You don't want to cause whatever problems, after all. You don't want to make things worse.

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And and so, narcissists "use" the threatening nature of explosive tantrums as a way to scare you lot. They know you don't want to deal with their inevitable backfire, which results in you acting in ways that accommodate their needs.

7. Changing Tactics Quickly

The narcissist's hot and cold games can drive anyone crazy. I moment, they're telling y'all how much they love you. The adjacent, they're calling you lot selfish and crazy.

What happened hither? Did you exercise something seriously wrong, or are they simply overreacting?

As it turns out, narcissists relish remaining somewhat mysterious and unpredictable. If you know exactly how they're going to reply, they lose valuable momentum.

And then, don't be likewise surprised if the narcissist rotates between different behaviors (or even seems to alter personality traits). It'due south all office of the con. They want to go along yous guessing and on your toes. They don't want you to know what lies alee.

viii. Making Yous Feel Sorry For Them

Does the narcissist in your life have a perfect sob story? A shameful trauma? A terrible story well-nigh how their ex treated them? A saga that could make anyone cry?

Narcissists love attention, even when it'southward negative, then they will oftentimes try to gain pity from others by dramatizing parts of their pasts. Some of these claims may be consummate lies. Others will be embellished truths.

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But the motive hither is unproblematic: they want you lot to feel bad for them. They want y'all to alibi their terrible behavior because they hope that you will believe, deep down, they are just a misunderstood person who needs love and approval.

ix. Finding Out Everything Virtually You lot

This often happens during the beloved-bombing phase. The narcissist is enamored with y'all. They want to know every last thing.

And you may willingly oblige. It tin feel so freeing to finally exist vulnerable with someone else. For the start fourth dimension, y'all might feel genuinely safe with another person.

Unfortunately, narcissists will apply your honest disclosures against you. Their motives aren't kind-hearted. They want to notice your weaknesses and flaws so they can use them confronting you subsequently.

10. Feigning Other Crises

At first, this control tactic may seem and then disruptive that you don't fifty-fifty realize information technology'due south intentional.

This strategy usually plays out in the following way: Yous starting time calling the narcissist out on their problematic beliefs. Maybe y'all're completely calm and even-keeled when you exercise information technology, just you have the evidence needed to substantiate your claim.

How does the narcissist answer? They don't! They start talking almost something horrific or foreign or completely tragic that just happened. They want to hear more, but their mom is in the hospital! They understand where you lot are coming from, but they demand to rush their dog to the emergency vet! They want to talk most this further, merely they demand to deal with their flat tire first!

Of class, some of these crises may exist casual. Only if information technology's a repeated pattern, it's just another sneaky grade of manipulation.

11. Needing Constant Approval

The narcissist constantly feels petrified that you will get out them at any given moment. Call back that abandonment represents the ultimate grade of rejection. And even so, they fear it above anything else.

Narcissists often put loved ones through vigorous "loyalty tests" to affirm their commitment to the relationship. These tests may consist of repeatedly request you if you lot still love them. Simply they can be far more destructive, like checking on your whereabouts just to brand sure yous aren't with someone else.

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Needing constant blessing becomes a form of control because y'all start feeling guilty when you practise anything for yourself. Yous dubiousness your motives and become paranoid that you're doing something wrong- even when you know you're not.

12. Pretending to Change

This can be one of the most devastating forms of egotistic command. Some narcissists will make great efforts to pretend to change to get their loved ones off their backs.

I know you keep talking about marriage. You lot're right- let's practice something about it tonight.

I'm set to have a baby.

I really sympathise that you want to movement. Allow's start looking at houses tomorrow.

With these statements, the narcissist appears to be making a 18-carat endeavour to improve themselves. They too seem to care deeply about the relationship.

But what ends up happening as a event? You know the reply! They don't stick to their word. They only "change" until they know you're sticking with them. And so it'south right back to business equally usual.

Even if they brand those serious commitments (marriage, baby, a new home), that doesn't mean their personality will modify! Worse, you may now exist even more than trapped.

Why Are Narcissists So Decision-making?

Egotistic people run across other people in their environs equally extensions of themselves. They are the center of the earth, and they oftentimes consider themselves idols who others should adore and admire.

In their distorted minds, this rationalization makes information technology seemingly acceptable for them to control and corruption others. They also consider themselves experts on how people should behave. Therefore, they see it equally their moral duty to control people to act in ways they come across fit.

Abandonment

The fear of abandonment is the heart of well-nigh every type of controlling behavior. If you lot don't immediately concord to the narcissist'southward demands, they become threatening, coercive, and manipulative. Abandonment is the ultimate egotistic injury, and they will do any they tin can to avert this pain.

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The connection between narcissism and control is potent. It's one of the main symptoms mental wellness professionals employ when diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Entitlement

Narcissists have an extraordinary need to control others to maintain their ain self-image. Afterward, they also devalue people as a way to enhance their feelings about themselves.

Narcissists too believe they deserve special recognition for their superior talents, intelligence, or personality. They feel this gives them the inherent correct to exploit others.

In relationships, narcissists feel entitled to their partners wholeheartedly. They don't have 18-carat empathy, and they will non respect someone else'due south autonomy or boundaries. They often become jealous, possessive, or ambitious to exert command.

Are Narcissists Control Freaks?

Yes, the egotistic control freak stereotype is completely true.

About narcissists rely on command tactics to get what they want. They don't value someone else's autonomy. They don't care about what you think is best. Once they assume they know how something should piece of work, they make that their cadre mission.

Narcissists oftentimes try to control every person or situation that matters to them. Fifty-fifty if they pretend to be "casual" or "unfazed" past what happens, this is usually an act. They are just trying to requite an impression that they can exist agreeable and flexible.

seven Things to Expect When The Narcissist Loses Control

When a narcissist loses control, expect the backlash! They're going to exist unhinged and volatile. But despite their seemingly crazy behaviors, y'all will probably be able to recognize some common patterns.

1. Narcissistic Rage

If you think yous've seen your narcissistic partner aroused, well, hell hath no fury like narcissistic rage! You lot volition witness their wrath in a way y'all've never experienced before, and permit me warn you that it will scare you lot. The narcissist is terrified of who they really are, as they spend an excessive amount of time and energy protecting themselves from their own reality.

Narcissistic rage is fueled by the thought of them being exposed as imitation and weak. They have convinced themselves that they are a perfect human being with no flaws. To admit that this is far from the truth is their worst fear.

As you volition have experienced, narcissists are exceptionally calculating, and every action is meticulously assessed before it is carried out. Nevertheless, when narcissistic rage takes over, they become impulsive. They are no longer concerned about the potential consequences.

How narcissistic rage is expressed is dependent upon the individual. Nevertheless, the deeper the narcissistic injury, the more severe the reaction. Most reactions will be verbal, but some narcissists may physically harm others during this country. Here is what egotistic rage typically looks similar:

• Aggressive Outbursts: An aggressive burst tin accept the course of intimidation, overtalking their victim, yelling, threats of damage, throwing objects, and verbal abuse.

• Violent Outbursts: Violence typically takes place when narcissistic rage gets to an uncontrollable level, and they experience they have no other outlet aside from physical force. The violence is either towards their victim or themselves.

• Passive Aggressive Beliefs: This is a more subtle form of rage, but it is equally as damaging. Passive aggression can involve methods like withdrawing or engaging in silent treatment. In addition, it can include behaviors like gaslighting, highlighting someone else'south failures, procrastinating on of import tasks, guilt-tripping, or like-minded to do something and then refusing to exercise it afterward.

• Suppressive behavior: This type of behavior entails playing the victim. For case, the narcissist acts as if something is incorrect to get attending. In a similar vein, they might also downplay sure bug or withhold vital information from loved ones.

2. Smear Campaigns

The narcissist must protect their reputation at all costs. When they can't control someone, their worst fear is that person has uncovered their true character. Equipped with what they think they know, the narcissist will go into self-defense mode and run around spreading damaging rumors.

They will contact anybody you lot know through social media, text messages and electronic mail telling them how evil, manipulative and abusive you are. They may go equally far as contacting your boss or colleagues to impact your work reputation.

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If they exercise something harmful to you lot, they will twist the situation to say you lot exercise it to them. Their principal intention is to "get to you lot first." If they doubtable yous are going to talk poorly about them (or even expose them for their truth), they will do whatsoever it takes to spoil your proper name first.

3. Do a Disappearing Human activity

Narcissistic supply is like a drug to the narcissist. If they can't get information technology from y'all, they will go it from someone else. When they have pulled every trick in the book, and they however can't control y'all, await your narcissistic partner to pull a disappearing act on y'all.

They might disappear in hopes of getting your attention, then you beg them to come back. You can tell this is their motive if they keep popping in and out. You may even hear that they're request virtually you to mutual friends.

Some narcissists will disappear for real in search of a new supply. In this example, you will probably never see them over again. The narcissist will do everything they can to rid themselves of your life, including blocking y'all on all social media platforms, changing their telephone number, and even changing locations.

4. The Narcissist Will Stalk You

Some narcissists simply refuse to have no for an respond. They will ignore your feelings and deed every bit if they don't be. The narcissist will force their will onto you, which sometimes involves stalking. You may not even exist trying to escape from your narcissistic partner- you may have chosen to close them out of a certain area of your life.

For example, allow'southward say they embarrass yous at a company party. Every bit a issue, you avoid inviting them to the next effect. You don't want to bargain with the public humiliation again.

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But let's say the narcissist finds out. Yous tell him you lot're going to accept dinner with your female parent that night, and guess who shows upwardly to the table?

5. The Narcissist Will Subject Yous to Public Humiliation

How does a narcissist reply to rejection? The first thing you need to know is that they volition never tell you they feel rejected.

Instead, they will probable scheme how to make a complete fool out of you in public. Whether it's an outright rejection or a perceived rejection, the narcissist will become quietly threatening and demeaning, and every act of wickedness will exist done with a smile on their face.

Your partner volition have a deep desire to punish you lot for what y'all have done. The slightest disagreement or constructive criticism will pb to an all-out cold state of war, and yous won't even know it'south happening until you are slapped in the face with it. Here is what to expect if you lot are ever subjected to public humiliation past a narcissist:

Exposing Nude Pictures

Depending on the extent of the Narcissistic injury and how badly the narcissist wants to shame y'all, they will "accidentally on purpose" send ane of your nude pictures to a family fellow member.

Or, if they desire to be really vicious, they will post the motion-picture show online. Then, to ensure that y'all know, the narcissist will tell yous exactly what they've done, but pretend as if it was a dreadful mistake.

Using Your 'Friends' to Humiliate You

Flight monkeys are people who assist narcissists in their smear and shaming campaigns. If you ever feel this, don't take it personally. Remember, narcissists are principal manipulators, and they are capable of getting anyone to exercise annihilation.

If you have been a victim of narcissistic corruption, y'all know how easy it is to fall for their charm. Using your friends or people y'all know to humiliate you might become something like this:

Let'south say, ane night, you lot simply aren't in the mood for sex. You're polite simply firm with your boyfriend well-nigh it. Not this evening, babe. I've got a terrible headache. The narcissist may nowadays as supportive and understanding, simply he volition also interpret your refusal equally the highest form of rejection. As a result, he may spend the rest of the night trying to observe the real reason why you said no.

Since many narcissists suffer from extreme anxiety (coupled with grandiose imaginations), they frequently make upwards various scenarios and believe them to be existent. So, later denying your partner sex, he might conclude that you slept with your boss. There's no other explanation every bit to why you wouldn't exist in the mood!

To prevent this from happening over again, the narcissist might manipulate your coworkers into spreading a rumor that you have a sexually transmitted affliction. But, even if this is far from the truth- and even if you've never entertained the idea of sleeping with your boss- your office reputation has now been destroyed.

vi. Lie, Lie, Deny

What happens when a narcissist is exposed? A narcissist volition never admit they are in the incorrect no matter how much evidence is stacked against them. Fifty-fifty if you accept photographic or video proof- or even if you caught your partner red-handed, they will lie so hard that y'all volition convince yourself that you've got information technology wrong.

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Despite the vindictive nature of narcissists, information technology's easy to compare them to children. They tell the same shameless lies. For example, a two-year-erstwhile volition look you lot in the centre with chocolate effectually his mouth and tell you he hasn't eaten the chocolate that was on the counter.

Narcissists tell the same type of lies. But when they are found out, they are not going to cry, cower in shame, or suddenly go enlightened near their wrongdoing. Instead, they will gaslight you, as this is their offset line of defense and the narcissist's specialty.

7. The Narcissist Will Allurement You

When you cease showing the narcissist emotion (whether it's positive or negative), they will allurement y'all to become a rise out of yous. This intentional act of provoking an emotional reaction is their manner of confirming ability or superiority.

During the baiting procedure, the narcissist removes their mask and gets actually ugly. They are feigning a sense of profound vulnerability. They want y'all to think they are a expert person who truly loves you but has temporarily lost their senses.

They will trigger you intentionally to accept a negative reaction. It is also important to note that there are levels to baiting. The get-go level starts with love bombing yous at the same time every bit devaluing you.

How to Accept Control Away From a Narcissist?

Narcissists want all the control. Merely they tin but receive every bit much as you lot are willing to requite them. And so, you have more power than you may even recognize in stopping obnoxious behavior.

Ignore Them

It may sound shockingly simple, only it's the one strategy that tends to irritate a narcissist like nothing else. Narcissists hate being ignored- they lose their audience, their command, and their illusion of a limitless platform.

So, don't comment on any of their behavior. End trying to fight dorsum. Avoid picking fights. In other words, remove yourself from the drama.

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Even if it's tempting to give them a sure slice of your mind, endeavor to resist the temptation. Many narcissists beloved a good fight, and egging them on merely maintains more than issues.

Practise Gray-Rocking

If you tin't completely ignore the narcissist, consider the gray-rock approach. This is an approach that focuses on interim equally bored and disinterested as possible.

Let'due south say they share a wild story nearly how their brother is trying to steal from them. You lot know the narcissist's blood brother- he's a nice guy, and you have meaning reason to doubt that whatsoever of these claims are true.

Instead of arguing dorsum (or fifty-fifty trying to defend the brother), you might answer with, "Hmm. That's something." Or, you might just nod and say, "Oh, I see."

With this approach, you want to avoid showing any emotion or using whatsoever emotionally-charged linguistic communication. In other words, you're basically acting like you take no thoughts or feelings about the situation.

Maintain Your Own Identity

Stay continued with your friends and family. Regularly engage with your usual interests and passions.

This independent sense of self will enrage the narcissist because it causes them to lose command. Just more importantly, prioritizing yourself allows you to focus on having a meaningful, fulfilling life. This ensures that nobody has the power to control you!

Go No-Contact

What are your motives for staying in the relationship? At this betoken, are you lot choosing to stay and condone malicious behavior?

If the answer is yeah, information technology's time to seriously reconsider your priorities. Why are you continuing to let someone harm you? Why are you wasting so much energy trying to prepare or change a problematic dynamic?

Ending the human relationship may feel painful, just staying in this toxic pattern will probably crusade you even more than damage.

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How to Command a Narcissist?

Knowing how to control a narcissist comes downwards to knowing what you are willing to tolerate in the relationship. They cannot control you lot if y'all don't listen. They also cannot control you if you choose to stay contained and seek ongoing support from others.

But how do you lot command them? Y'all don't. At least, it shouldn't be your main focus.

Fifty-fifty though they may spend months or years controlling your every move, it isn't helpful to endeavour to seek the same revenge. You'll only feel more wearied, and they have the upper paw in manipulating others. In some ways, they might even be inviting y'all to try to play their sick game.

Ultimately, decision-making a narcissist means opting out of the game altogether. Instead of playing past their crazy rules, you choose to avoid them entirely. You choose to play a unlike game- the one that healthy, loving, safe people are playing.

FAQ

Here are some commonly asked questions people have about narcissists and their foreign behavior.

Who Practise Narcissists Target?

Narcissists can target anyone, so don't blame yourself if you fell casualty to their awful, predatory behavior. You're only human being, and it'south easy to get trapped in a moment of weakness.

That said, they may be more likely to target compassionate, empathic people who have by experiences with abuse? Why? They may believe that you'll exist more likely to "sympathise" their beliefs. Following this train of thought, they are hopeful that you volition afterward excuse or rationalize how they act in the relationship.

Narcissists may as well target people who:

• Just got out of relationships.
• Struggle with compulsive issues like drugs or alcohol.
• Identify as empaths.
• Have histories of narcissistic abuse.

Remember that they are banking on finding people who will "authenticate" their personalities. They don't want someone who volition constantly question, fight, or disregard their tactics.

What Practice Narcissists Exercise To Their Victims?

As mentioned, narcissists aim to exert ability and control over their victims. They desire the relationship to go their way. Therefore, they utilise other people to meet their ain needs, even if those needs are erratic or inappropriate.

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Narcissists believe they are entitled to whatever they want. And so, they will treat their victims withal they run into fit. Depending on the context, the abuse tin can range from mild annoyances to severe breaches of trust and safety.

How Long Tin a Narcissist Go Without Supply?

It depends! Y'all may be surprised to discover that ending a relationship with a narcissist doesn't always outcome in an extreme reaction.

That'southward because many narcissists take different types of supplies. They don't want to keep all their eggs in ane basket because they know what's at stake if something happens.

This explains why so many narcissists are serial cheaters. They don't commit to anyone because they don't want to invest all their time or free energy into just i person. Instead, they keep their options open- just in instance the correct opportunity presents itself.

Remember that a narcissist will protect their supply at all costs. If they feel like they're losing y'all, they'll either double down on their efforts to lure you back in. Or, they'll move on to whatever they perceive every bit the newest, shiniest object.

What Eventually Happens to Narcissists?

Unfortunately, narcissists rarely modify their behavior. Instead, they bounciness around from job to job, relationship to relationship, drama to drama.

They go along creating chaos wherever they go, even if they modify their tune as the years go on.

Instead of dwelling on what happens to them, the all-time thing you lot can do is focus on yourself. In one case the manipulative narcissist can't control you anymore, you lot have truthful freedom to move forward.

Final Thoughts

If a narcissist tin't control you anymore, they will frequently make significant efforts to restore their sense of power. Knowing these tactics in advance can set you for what lies alee.

But recall that you can decide what you do (or don't) entertain. You are not obligated to maintain a human relationship with the narcissist. Subsequently, you don't owe it to them to enable their awful behavior!

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Source: https://thenarcissisticlife.com/the-narcissist-out-of-control/